


Figuring on Figuring Myself Out

by akire_yta



Category: Bandom, Disney RPF, Skippy - Fandom
Genre: Amnesia, Coming Out, Families you make, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-15
Updated: 2010-05-15
Packaged: 2017-12-29 05:49:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1001744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akire_yta/pseuds/akire_yta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>“It's Mike – there's been an accident.”</i> .  For the “amnesia/memory loss” card at thesodamnskippy bingo card challenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning for a less than pleasant coming out, including some homophobic comments and rejection at stages, and an offscreen head injury.
> 
> Title from Fall Out Boy’s “GINASFS”
> 
> EDITED: This fic got a mix at the bonus-a-thon @ [](http://sodamnskippy.livejournal.com/profile)[**sodamnskippy**](http://sodamnskippy.livejournal.com/) \- [check it out!](http://community.livejournal.com/sodamnskippy/61813.html#cutid1)  
> 

Kevin was grinning as he let himself into his dressing room. The last day of filming on any episode was always fun, people laughing and joking and relaxing as the script came together on the stage, but today even Nick was cracking jokes and joining in to tease his brothers and they acted out the pratfalls the story demanded.

No-one was around to see Kevin's smile softened and broadened as he flicked open his phone and saw the waiting text from Mike: _call me as soon as you get this_.

Kevin frowned as he realized that he had missed several calls already.  Ignoring the twist in his gut, he hit speed dial.  “Hey,” he said softly as the call connected.

“Kevin?”  Kevin sat up straight.  “It's Bill...” the line crackled as William took a deep breath.  “It's Mike – there's been an accident.”

  * * *

Kevin didn't remember much of leaving the Disney studios, going to the airport, hopping a flight to Chicago.  Only in the cab on the way to the hospital did he realize he was still in his costume.  He tugged off the blue-checked tie and shoved it in his carry-on bag, and went back to worrying.

Sisky was waiting for him in the lobby of the hospital, his pallor emphasising the dark circles under his eyes.  Kevin didn't blink as Sisky gave him a quick hug, right there in front of the nurses and the  
visitors flowing in and out of the building.  Kevin just hugged him back and let Sisky lead him over to a bank of elevators.

The elevator was crowded, people getting on and off at all floors, and Kevin just hunched in on himself as more than a few of them stared in vague recognition.  Sisky touched his elbow, herding him off at the right floor; Kevin let out a breath as the elevator doors slammed closed behind them.  Sisky walked him down the hall, past the nurses' station, and tapped lightly on a closed door.

William let them in, his hand resting lightly on Kevin's shoulder, grounding him as he herded him gently to Mike's bedside.  Mike's eyes were closed, almost lost in the dark bruises of twin black eyes. There was a line of cables and an IV drip taped to the inside of his arm, lying slack on top of the covers.

Kevin sank gracelessly into the chair by the bedside, Mike's band opening up to swallow him into their midst as they kept vigil.  Kevin reached out with shaky fingers to gently brush a loose strand of hair off Mike's temple.  “Is he going to be okay?” Kevin whispered, not looking away from Mike's face.

There was a heavy, shuffling pause.  “They don't know,” William admitted in a rush.  “They're waiting for Mike to wake up.”

Kevin bit his lip in a desperate attempt to keep it together.  “He hasn't...?”

“Not since the accident,” the Butcher said softly, coming over to stand behind Kevin, a warm, grounding presence.  “The doctors say that's just how it is sometimes, the body just needs to sleep to heal.”

Kevin nodded, leaning forward to rest his chin on his folded arms on the edge of Mike's bed.  “We wait?” he said, barely a question.

“We wait,” William agreed.

 * * *

The nurses threw them out unknown hours later.  Kevin blinked as they tumbled out of the hospital, disorientated by the darkness.  “What time is it?” he wondered aloud, shivering in the cold.  He looked at his watch, confused for a second until he realized it was still on LA  time.

“Come on, Jonas,” William said, slinging his arm over Kevin's shoulder.  “Have you made any plans...” he looked down at Kevin's blank expression.  “Okay, that's a no.  Come on, you can crash with me.”  He held up a finger when Kevin started to splutter something incoherent about a hotel, and being a bother.  “No bother, littlest and the lady wife are off visiting the grandparents, and I really could use the company right about now.”

Kevin nodded and fell silent.  The quiet sterility of a hotel really didn't appeal, if he was being honest.  He didn't want to be alone right now.

They bid goodbye to the rest of the band, each going their own separate ways.  The journey to William's home passed in silence.  Kevin sat, fiddling with his ring, unable to think of anything but the stillness of Mike's face, the slackness in his hands when Kevin had twined their fingers together.

“Kevin?”  William's voice intruded on the memory.  “We're here.”

Kevin followed William blindly up the stairs and inside, standing uselessly as William moved around the space, turning up the heat, making vague, inane comments about dinner.  Kevin shook his head. “Not hungry,” he muttered, finally moving to flop onto the couch.  He rolled sideways into the armrest, curling into himself as William came to perch on the coffee table in front of him.

“Jonas...Kevin, did you even bring any clothes?”

Kevin shook his head, shrugging at William's little tsk.  “I...I didn't really think about it,” Kevin admitted softly.

William tsked again, but his expression was soft and sad.  “You're lucky you're adorable,” William mock-growled, his hopeful little smile falling flat as Kevin just curled in on himself even more.  “Mike's lucky,” he added more honestly.  “And he's going to be okay, you'll see.”  He reached over and squeezed Kevin's knee.  “Fucker's got a hard head.”

Kevin nodded, not trusting his voice to speak.  “Okay,” he whispered.

William leaned in, until their heads were almost touching.  “He's going to be fine,” he repeated, quietly but firmly.

Kevin took a deep breath and tried to believe him.  William stood, hands on hips.  “And he would kill me if I let you starve,” he added briskly.  “I think there’s some spaghetti sauce in the freezer, and even I can't burn water...” he wandered off towards the kitchen, and Kevin heard pots banging.

He took a deep breath and sat up straighter, rubbing his face with his hands as he tried to get a grip.  He pushed himself off the couch and wandered into the kitchen.  “Smells good,” he said, trying and falling far short of normal.  “Where can I wash up?”

Under the harsh lights, the face in the bathroom mirror seemed almost foreign, tired, older.  Kevin twisted the faucet and splashed his face.  He combed his fingers through his damp curls and tried to  
compose himself.  Mike was going to be fine.  He just had to keep telling himself that until he believed it.

William was on the phone, cradling the receiver on his shoulder as he tried to drain the pasta.  “Yeah, about as well as you can imagine,” he was saying as Kevin stumbled back out into the kitchen.  William glanced over, almost dropping the phone.  The pot hit the counter with a bang as he juggled his load.  “Still there?” he asked, bringing the phone up to his other ear.  “Yeah, I will.  Say hi to your folks for me.  Love you too, bye.”  He thumbed off the phone.  “My better half,” he said by way of explanation, waving the phone at Kevin before tossing it on the counter and going back to the spaghetti.  “She just wanted to see how Mike was doing, and just check in.”

Kevin frowned as a thought beat its way into his consciousness, and he walked over to pick up his bag from where he had dumped it.  His phone was still off from the flight in.  He pressed the power button as he drifted over to lean against the kitchen counter.

William glanced at him, but kept his own counsel as Kevin's phone beeped and connected.  It beeped again, and Kevin paled and groaned as he saw the scrolling screen-loads of missed calls and messages.  He looked up as William came to join him.  “I...I kinda left in a hurry,” he admitted, thumbing through the messages – his brothers, their agent, some numbers he suspects are Disney reps, even his parents.  The missed calls log is just as bad.

“And by 'left in a hurry,' you mean?” William asked slowly.

Kevin plucked at his shirt.  “We were halfway through filming an episode of the show.”

William nodded.  “I wondered, you usually have better taste than blue plaid.”  He squeezed Kevin's shoulder before crossing over to the sink.  He filled a plate with pasta.  “I'll be in the living room.  
Food's there when you're ready.”

Kevin nodded gratefully as William walked into the living room, deliberately sliding the door closed after him.  Kevin took a deep breath and called Joe.  Out of all of them, Joe was the one most likely to stop yelling long enough for Kevin to get a word in edgewise.  The phone barely rang before it was answered.  “Kevin, where are you?” Joe panted, sounding out of breath and a little scared.  “You just _vanished_.”

Kevin nodded, even though Joe couldn't see.  “I had a...” he closed his eyes, wincing.  Maybe he should have thought this through first.  “Personal emergency,” he finished.  Through the line, he could hear voices in the background.  “Where are you?”

“Mom and dad's, here...”

“Wait,” Kevin snapped.  “Joe!”

There was a clatter as the phone changed hands.  “Kevin?” his father said, half-angry, half-worried.  “What on earth’s gotten into you, where are you?”

Kevin froze.  He couldn't do this, he just couldn't deal with anything more today.  He hit end, fumbling for the power button as his phone immediately started ringing.  He couldn't hold down the tiny button, his fingers were shaking so much, and finally, with a yell of frustration and grief, Kevin threw the phone at the wall, where it shattered into silence.

He didn't realize he had crumpled to the floor until William was there, kneeling by his head, wrapping his arms around him and helping him sit up.  Kevin curled into William's touch, buried his face into William's shirt and cried.

As the tears eased, William chivvied Kevin up off the floor and half-dragged him into the living room.  He poured Kevin onto the sofa and dragged a soft, fluffy blanket over him.  “Better?” William asked, honest concern in his eyes.

Kevin shrugged, smiling awkwardly in embarrassment.  “Yeah, sorry, I...”

William clucked, shaking his head.  “No apologies necessary.  We all have days like that, and if anyone is entitled right now, it's you.”  He looked over the back of the sofa into the kitchen.  “Your phone is an ex-phone now, though.”

Kevin hiccupped a laugh, and William nodded approvingly.  “So, do they know where you are?”

Kevin blanched.  “I kinda didn't get that far,” he admitting, burying his fingers in his own hair as he gave William a ruefully apologetic look.  “And given they don't know anything about Mike, there's no real reason for them to even suspect I'm in Chicago.”

“Unless they tracked that call,” William said archly.  “Hey,” he added in protest at Kevin's expression.  “You of all people should know to fear the Mouse!  They have eyes everywhere.”

Kevin laughed more honestly, and William squeezed his shoulder.  “We can deal with it in the morning, okay, we won't...”  Whatever he was going to say was cut off by the ring of his home phone.  Mouthing an apology, William snatched it up off the coffee table and flicked it open.  “Hey, any...what?”  He beamed at Kevin and gave a thumbs up.  “That is awesome news.  When can we...of course.”  His eyes were bright.  “Hey, just a sec.”  Putting his hand over the receiver, William leaned forward.  “That's Mike's mom, he just woke up for a bit, and was his usual charming self.”

Kevin felt like the vice that had him in its grip had suddenly let go.  He flopped back into the cushions as William continued.  “And Mike's folks know about, well,” he waved a hand vaguely at Kevin.  “Everything, right?”

Kevin nodded.  “We've never met, but Mike's told them,” he said quickly.

William beamed again as he put the receiver back to his ear.  “You there?  Just had to pass the good news onto Kevin.  Yes, he hopped a flight as soon as he heard...don't worry,” he said, almost laughing. “I'll take good care of him, and we'll be in first thing tomorrow.  Yes, you too. Night.”  He closed his phone with a snap.  “Okay, before you ask, Mike woke up, seemed pretty coherent generally, though he had no idea why he was in hospital until the doctors told him, and then he fell back asleep.”

“Can we go see him?” Kevin asked eagerly.

“Tomorrow, first thing,” William confirmed.  “We don't get family privileges in hospitals, damn them, so we have to wait for visiting hours.  Besides,” he added firmly.  “Mike needs his beauty sleep and so do we.”

Kevin nodded, feeling more like himself. He knew he wouldn't be fully satisfied until he'd seen Mike for himself, made sure he was okay with his own two eyes, but now everything seemed to be moving again.  “Oka. Uh,” he looked back at the kitchen.  “Any pasta left?”

William laughed and extended a hand, hauling Kevin to his feet.  “First you clean up the mess you made, mister!”

Kevin grinned and went to find the dustpan.

 * * *

Kevin woke slowly, disorientated until the events of the past day slammed back into him.  He sat up slowly, groaning as his neck and back protested a night on William's sofa.

“Morning.”  Kevin twisted, nodding a greeting as William came and put a mug of coffee on the table.  “How are you?” he asked neutrally, leaning against the side of the sofa.

Kevin made a face, rolling his neck.  “Ask me once I've woken up.  When can we go to the hospital?”

William glanced over at the clock on the wall.  “They won't let us in til 11am, trust us, we've tried.  So you've got time for a shower, or whatever.”

Kevin nodded as he stood and stretched til his joints creaked.  Through the open door, he could see the counter, and the neat pile of ruined electronics still in the dustpan.  William followed his gaze  
then looked back at Kevin.  “You killed your phone,” he confirmed.  “I think the sim is okay, though, we can pick you up a new phone today.  What will your parents do when they keep getting voicemail?”

Kevin shrugged, feeling his neck twinge.  “I don't know.”  He made a face.

William was already shaking his head.  “Kevin,” he said gently but firmly.  “You skipped out of filming.  I may not know you as well as Mike, but I know that's not something you do.  If it was Nick disappearing off the lot, wouldn't you be freaking out right about now?”

Kevin massaged his temples, feeling his headache with his whole body.  “Yeah,” he admitted weakly.  “I'll...email them or something.”

William raised an eyebrow.  “Or I could lend you the phone.  Crazy, I know, but we have them here in Chicago too.”

Kevin bit his lip.  “No,” he said slowly, struggling to put it into words.  “You know I've never told them about Mike.  They're just going to ask questions I'm not ready to answer yet, and this is not how I want them finding out.”  He swallowed through the tightness in his throat.  “I just can't...” he winced and fell silent.

William sighed, sounding disappointed, but let it pass.  “I've put a clean towel in the bathroom,” he said instead, turning away.  “And none of my clothes would fit you, but,” he paused, half-turning.  “But Mike left one of his hoodies here, and it's clean.  Will that be okay?”

Kevin nodded and escaped to the bathroom.

 * * *

Kevin felt a little like a duckling, the way William hovered protectively as they crossed the parking lot and entered the hospital.  The place was busy with the start of visiting hours, and Kevin hunched lower, grateful of the sunglasses William had handed him earlier, as a few people stopped and stared.   William scowled, lengthening his stride as he all but dragged Kevin into an elevator just before it closed.

The ward seemed busier this morning, and Kevin was happy to hustle down the corridor to the relative safety of Mike’s room.  The older couple sitting there could only be Mike's parents, and Kevin snatched off his glasses and pushed back the hood of Mike's sweatshirt, painfully aware that this was the first time they had met their son's closet-case boyfriend.

William gave him a little shove, and Kevin stumbled forward from where he had stopped in the doorway.  “Hello, Mrs Carden,” Kevin managed.  “I'm Kevin.”

Whatever he was expecting, it wasn't a hug.  “Hello,” she said, her voice cracking.  Her eyes were red-rimmed, but she was smiling now.  “Lovely to finally meet you, though I wish it hadn't taken a blow to the head for it to happen.”  Somehow, the gentle note of teasing rebuke eased the tension further.

“Me too,” he agreed.  Kevin took a deep breath, his eyes already being pulled over to the form on the bed.  Some of the monitors and cables from yesterday had been removed, and Mike's skin didn't look so pale.  He let out the breath in one long stream.  Mike's mother touched his elbow, and side-by-side they walked to Mike's bedside.

Mike’s eyes flickered under closed lids, and he stirred softly on his pillow as his lashes fluttered up.  “Hey sweetheart,” Mike's mother whispered, gently brushing a hand across his temple.  “Look who's here.”

Kevin smiled, stretching his fingers to gently stroke Mike's wrist.

Mike froze, staring at him in blank surprise.  “Ah, mom?” he said carefully.  “Why is there a Jonas Brother touching my hand?”


	2. Chapter 2

There was a whirl of doctors and tests and questions.  A grey-haired specialist in a white coat was talking to them about episodic and semantic memory, and acute periods and test recall, a blinding whirl of jargon.  Kevin sat by Mike's mother and listened in silent horror to the growing litany of tests and questions and procedures.  To make matters worse, he could see out of his corner of his eye two nurses in the adjoining room, glancing over at him repeatedly as they whispered, heads together.  
  
“Doctor, if I may,” William said briskly from the other side of the room.  Touching Kevin’s arm in silent support as he passed, William herded the specialist over towards the nurses, half closing the door behind him.  
  
Mike’s mother petted the back of his wrist, the same soothing motion Mike used when Kevin was upset.  “It’ll be okay, Kevin,” she whispered soothingly.  Kevin nodded and tried to believe her.  
  
William reappeared, leaning against the back of Kevin's hard, plastic chair so he could speak quietly to them both.  “Okay, first off, I've reminded the good doctor about confidentiality, so rest assured, your secrets are still safe.”  
  
Kevin blinked. He hadn't even thought of it in those terms, but now the threat of a very public outing added itself to the weight on his shoulders. “Secondly, what all that jargon boils down to is that they’re waiting on the latest MRI, but they think it could be temporary. They need to do more diagnostics or something, but the critical thing is to help Mike remember.  Remember you, specifically.”  He glanced up as a nurse, a different one, came in and gestured to them. “Can you do that?”  
  
Kevin nodded. “Anything,” he swore softly. Exhaling, he looked over at Mike's mother.  
  
She smiled weakly and waved them off. “You go ahead, I just need a moment...” she turned away, and Kevin rose, feeling uncomfortable, like he was suddenly intruding. He looked mutely towards William for support.  
  
William squeezed his arm.  “Of course.  Come on.”  Together they rose and followed the nurse back into the room they had moved Mike to after his scans.  Kevin barely heard the door close behind them, his eyes going to where Mike was sitting, bare feet dangling over the side of the bed.  “Hey,” he said softly.  
  
Mike looked at him without a scrap of recognition, and Kevin had to clench his fists in a desperate effort to keep it together.  Mike's eyes slid off him to where William stood.  “Bill, please, what the  
fuck is going on?”  
  
William sucked in a deep breath.  “Mike, this is Kevin Jonas.”  
  
Mike rolled his eyes.  “Disney princess, yeah, I know,” he snapped sarcastically, not even looking at Kevin.  “Why is he here?”  
  
William laughed bitterly, like he was the only one getting the joke.  “Because two weeks ago I caught you two sharing 'I love yous' over the phone.  Because he's the one you came out to your parents for. Because he hopped on a plane and flew to your bedside without even stopping once he heard you were hurt.  Because he's your boyfriend and then some, and come on Mike, how can you remember me and not him?”  The last was said in a low, desperate voice.  
  
Mike looked back to Kevin, wide-eyed, already shaking his head side to side.  “Boyfriend?  You...and me, kid?”  Kevin bit his lip and nodded.  Mike snorted softly to himself in disbelief as he tiredly rubbed his face.  “If this is some perverted practical joke, Bill, I will kill you,” Mike promised.  
  
Kevin reached out automatically, touching the back of Mike's other hand where it was braced against the edge of the mattress.  Mike sucked in a gasp of air, but he didn't pull away.  Instead, his eyes tracked up where their hands were touching, up to Kevin's face, studying it like he was searching for answers.  “This isn't a joke, is it?” he asked, almost to himself.  “But...why can't I remember?”  The plaintive little whisper reached deep inside Kevin and twisted up into knots.  
  
“Retrograde episodic amnesia, that's the fancy name the doctor's gave it,” William butted in from his spot leaning against the doorframe.  “Selective memory loss.  Basically, there are holes in the story of your life – for some reason, all your holes centre around Kevin here.”  
  
Kevin tried to smile, but knew it was more of a wince.  “They think it might be temporary, a side-effect of the swelling after you got hit on the head.”  
  
Mike rolled his eyes.  “I get hit on the head, and wake up to discover I'm dating a Disney star.  My life,  _fuck_ ,” he groaned, burying his head in his hands.  
  
Kevin looked over at the sound of the door opening.  William was backing out slowly, but when he saw Kevin turn, he raised his hands and wiggled his fingers in farewell.  “I'll just leave you two crazy kids to get reacquainted,” he said with a smirk before pulling the door closed after him.  
  
Mike and Kevin stared at each other as an awkward silence filled the room.  “So,” Mike said flatly.  “We're...what? Dating?”  
  
Kevin winced, bobbing his head.  “Um, yeah.”  
  
“You don't sound too confident there, kid.”  
  
“Well,” Kevin said, making a face.  “I am a total closet case, for obvious reasons, so we don't date-date.  But we make it work.”  
  
Mike is staring at him curiously now.  “How?”  For a second, the bravado that Kevin had hoped was in the past faltered, and Kevin saw the man he knew underneath.  “Explain it to me.”  
  
Kevin took a deep breath.  “Well,” he said slowly, smiling sadly at the memory.  “Last month, for example.  We'd both been on tour for ages, apart.  So you organized a teledate, where we watched the same movie and talked on the phone.  You even FedExed me some gummi-bears to eat, I couldn't find real ones in Europe.”  
  
Mike snorted.  “Sounds corny,” he said.  But he was grinning, and as Kevin watched, his eyes darted up to meet Kevin's.  “But you liked it,” he asked, half a question, half a confirmation.  
  
Kevin beamed.  “I loved it.  I was missing you so bad, and it was...” he shrugged.  “You hate it when I call you sweet, but you totally are when you do stuff like that.” He looked away for a moment, uncomfortable.  
  
Mike rolled his eyes.  “Come on,” he drawled.  “You make it sound like I’m this perfect partner, and whack on the head or not, I know I'm not that guy.”  
  
Kevin laughed despite himself.  “Oh, you have your faults, mister,” he said mock-sternly, trying to ignore the hot prickly sensation behind his eyes.  
  
“Come on,” Mike challenged, but he was laughing   
  
Kevin gave him a look.  “You want the list alphabetically or chronologically.”  He smiled when Mike laughed again.  “You still smoke, even though you promised me you'd try and quit,” Kevin said, counting it out on his hand.  “You try and hide it when I'm around, but honestly, it's like kissing an ashtray straight after.” Mike looked away awkwardly at the mention of kisses, and Kevin hurried on. “You poke fun at me for naming all my guitars,” he said, unfolding another finger.  “You think doing the laundry means turning your shirt inside out, and that Chicago pizza is the last word in the culinary arts.  I know I was the first person to ever vacuum your apartment, because I had to buy the vacuum first.”  
  
Mike held up his hand.  “Okay, okay,” he said, laughing.  “You've got me.”  He looked at Kevin, and for a heartbreaking second, it was like nothing had changed.  “But if I'm such an unrepentant slob, why are you still with me?”  
  
Before Kevin could answer, there was a perfunctory knock on the door.  Kevin looked over his shoulder as the nurse came back in.  “Sorry,” she said, looking between them.  “We need to take Mr Carden away for more tests.”  
  
Kevin nodded and rose to his feet.  “Because,” he said to Mike with a little smile.  “You FedEx me gummibears when I'm feeling lonely.”  He walked out of the room, past where the guys were waiting, and down the corridor.  He kept walking.  
  
The bathroom on this floor was empty, and Kevin braced himself against the sink and let himself shake.  
  
He didn't know how long he had been there when he looked up and saw William leaning against the back of the door, watching him in the reflection of the mirror.  “You okay?”  Bill asked gently.  
  
Kevin took a deep breath, in through the nose, out through the mouth, trying to find calm.  “As I can be,” he admitted.  “Are they done yet?”  
  
William nodded.  “But visiting hours are over for the morning.  We can come back in the afternoon.”  
  
Kevin span on the spot.  “No!” he protested.  “He's forget-” Kevin snapped his mouth shut before he could finish that sentence.  
  
William crossed the small space in two quick steps.  “Hey,” he said, grabbing Kevin by the shoulders.  “He won't forget you again. You'll both get through this.”  Kevin let himself be pulled in, wrapping his arms around William's waist, returning the hug.  “Trust me,” William added quietly.  “Once he remembers, you'll be able to lord this over him  _forever_.”  
  
Kevin hiccupped in surprise as William stepped back.  “Clean yourself up, we're going to get lunch and find you a new phone.”  
  
Kevin made a face; he'd forgotten all about that.  “Do we-”  
  
William interrupted him with a gesture.  “Lunch is with your almost in-laws, so look sharp.  Don't argue,” he added, waggling the finger. “Snap snap.”  
  
Kevin blinked, but washed his face and dutifully followed William out and back to the waiting room.  
  
 * * *  
  
Lunch was bizarre; Mike's parents knew things about Kevin that they couldn't have learned from the press coverage or the paparazzi, things only Mike could know.  Kevin rubbed his face, feeling a little overwhelmed, carrying their history all by himself.  
  
Mike's mother touched the back of his wrist, breaking into his reverie.  “Are you okay?”  
  
Kevin nodded, forcing a smile.  “Just...”  
  
She smiled, the corner of her eyes crinkling like Mike's.  “Yeah, I know.  Did you get much sleep last night?”  
  
Kevin glanced over at where William and Sisky were telling Mr Carden some wild story.  “More than I thought.”  
  
“Good,” she said firmly, folding her napkin and tossing it onto her plate.  Kevin was strangely pleased to see she hadn't been able to eat much either.  “Now, boys, you'll be back at three, right?”  
  
William gave her a lazy salute.  “As soon as they let us in,” he confirmed.  “Keep the hard-headed one entertained 'til we get back.”  
  
Kevin frowned, glancing between them.  “You'll be with him?”  
  
Mrs Carden nodded.  “The hospital lets immediate family stay beyond visiting hours in these kinds of situations,” she said, standing up.  
  
Kevin swallowed down the taste of bile.  “Of course,” he said tightly.   To the outside world, Mike was single.  
  
Kevin didn't count as family here.  
  
She must have seen something on his face, because she came around and wrapped Kevin in a powerful hug.  “I'll ask,” she whispered in his ear.  
  
“Thanks,” he said, hugging her back.  
  
 * * *  
  
The only time Kevin was mobbed in the street was when he was with his brothers – people recognized Nick and Joe, not him.  Without them around, he got the occasional glance, but could move around fairly freely.  
  
It was an overbright day in Chicago; in his baseball cap and sunglasses, day-old stubble on his cheeks, he looked like just another unkempt twenty-something.  
  
Besides, no-one expects to see a Jonas Brother on the El.  
  
Buying the new phone was a little more tricky.  Kevin had to use his card: the name on the plastic was Paul K Jonas, and Kevin saw confused recognition flash across the face of the guy as he swiped it through the register.  
  
Kevin nodded and winked, and the clerk had nodded back and smiled like a man in on the secret.  “Have a nice day, sir,” he said, handing over the shopping bag.  Kevin kept his head down all the way back, not relaxing his guard until they were once again at William’s.  
  
He dawdled over putting together the new phone, plugging it in to charge.  The clock on the wall ticked the minutes slowly.  It seemed an aeon until 3pm.  
  
William was doing the dishes when Kevin wandered in.  “It’s charging,” he said, deflecting the obvious question.  
  
William hummed to himself as he wiped down a bench.  “What are you going to tell them?”  
  
Kevin sighed as he slumped against the counter.  “I don’t know,” he admitted.  
  
“You’re going to have to tell them something,” William pointed out gently.  
  
Kevin sighed, folding his arms and rest across the counter.  “I wish I could tell the truth,” he admitted in a whisper.  He heard William still.  “I hate having to lie, I always have.”  He closed his eyes, feeling once again dangerously close to tears.  “And now he doesn’t remember us, and it’s like I’m the only one who knows, and it’s starting to seem…” he sniffed.  “Was it ever even real?”  
  
“Hey,” William breathed, his hand tentatively touching the back of Kevin’s neck.  “Stop that, you guys are for real, don’t ever tell yourself otherwise.”  Kevin shrugged noncommittally, and William squeezed his neck gently.  “No, listen to me.  Come on.”  He waited until Kevin turned his head to look at William.  “Mike loves you,” he said quietly but firmly.  “He says it, and he means it, and anyone who knows you two together knows it’s real.”  
  
“So that’s, what,” Kevin shot back with uncharacteristic cynicism.  “Four people, now that Mike’s forgotten?”  
  
William grimaced.  “Kevin,” he began.  
  
Kevin shook him off.  “Come on,” he said sullenly, standing up.  “Let’s head back to the hospital and see if Mike’s mom can sneak us in early.  
  
“No,” William snapped.  “For fuck’s sake, Kevin, stop running for two seconds and listen to me!”  Kevin froze, and scowled back at him.  “First, try calling your family, at least let them know you’re okay.  Then we’ll go pick up Sisky and Butcher and Chizzy, and we’ll all go in together, so we can all tell you how stupid you’re being and how much of a fool Mike is for you.  Got it?”  
  
Kevin made a face, but didn’t have the energy to argue.  He picked up the phone and dialled his father; best get this over with.  
  
He blinked, expression tightening, as the line beeped and sent the call to voice mail.  “Hey, it’s me, just checking in, I’m fine, but I probably won’t be back for at least a week, sorry, bye.”  He hung up before he said anything stupid.  When he turned, William was staring at him from the doorway.  “Voicemail,” he said with more bitterness than he intended seeping into his voice.  “I guess they’re really worried about me if they’ve turned off the phone.”  
  
“Hey,” William said sharply, coming over to him.  “There’s probably a good explanation.”  But Kevin could see in his face that William couldn’t think of one.  “Come on,” he said more quietly.  “Let’s get the guys and head over to the hospital.”  
  
 * * *  
  
The nurses let them in exactly at 3pm, and not a second earlier.  Mike was sitting up in bed, staring out at the window, but he turned and watched as the group trooped in.  “Hey,” he said, looking at everyone but Kevin.  He started talking about the album, and the rest of the group followed his lead, ignoring the elephant in the room – what did he remember today?  
  
Kevin hung back, letting his band have some time with their friend, just watching Mike.  He seemed almost entirely normal, except for the fading bruises and the way his hands kept rubbing together, a nervous habit Kevin knew meant that Mike had something on his mind.  
  
Soon, too soon, the band were standing up, making their goodbyes until tomorrow.  Kevin stared, wide-eyed, as William patted Mike’s arm.  “I’m sure you two have a lot to talk about,” he said, with a meaningful little nod towards Kevin.  
  
Kevin stood, one arm folded across his body, as the guys shuffled out.  William nodded and closed the door behind him, and Kevin came over to stand by Mike’s bedside.  
  
Mike still had that look in his eyes, like he was almost looking straight through Kevin without really seeing him.  Kevin felt a sudden, sharp stab of loneliness – he missed Mike,  _his_  Mike.  “Hi,” he said with a weak little smile.  
  
At least Mike looked almost as uncomfortable as Kevin felt.  “Hi.”  He leaned over and gently plucked at the fabric of the sweatshirt.  “That’s mine, isn’t it?”  
  
Kevin nodded.  “Yeah, umm, I needed…and William said…”  
  
Mike grinned, and for a split second it felt like everything was as it was.  “It’s okay.”  
  
The silence that fell was thick like honey.  “So, umm,” Kevin said slowly, not sure how to broach the subject.  It was weird, not being able to talk to Mike; usually they could talk for hours without even thinking.  
  
“Still don’t remember, if that’s what you’re asking,” Mike said flatly, not looking up.  
  
Kevin winced, his brow furrowing as he bit his lip.  “But…?”  
  
Mike’s eyes darted to the left, and Kevin felt more confident.  “But what?”  
  
“You’re not telling me something,” Kevin said with quiet assurance.  
  
“What makes you say that?” Mike said, stalling, a note of belligerence that Kevin had almost forgotten about creeping back into his tone.  
  
Kevin laughed bitterly, rubbing his face with both hands.  “You may not know me from a bar of soap,” he said sourly.  “But I know you, Mike.  I know your tells, I know when you’re out and out lying, and when you’re lying by omission, or trying to save my feelings, or trying to hide something.”  He looked at Mike, who turned away.  “What aren’t you telling me?” he said more quietly.  
  
Mike scowled.  “You make it sound like I’m a whipped, whiny bitch,” he snarled.  Kevin sucked in a breath, stung by the unexpected vehemence, and Mike turned away.  “Listen, kid,” he said more kindly. “I get this must totally suck for you, but it just doesn’t make sense.”  Kevin had to hold onto the edge of the bed to stop himself from crawling onto the mattress and wrapping Mike in a full body hug as he continued.  “I…if what they've told me is true, why don’t I remember anything real details about us?”  
  
There was something there, something in the careful way he said it, that made Kevin pause.  “Details?” he asked slowly.  
  
Mike closed his eyes for a moment.  “When you came in, and I saw you.”  He took a steadying breath.  “I felt…happy,” he admitted.  “And when you touched my hand yesterday.  It felt familiar, and good, and why can’t I remember?”  His voice escalated into a shout.  
  
Kevin reached over and caught his hands without thinking.  “Hey,” he soothed.  “Any kind of recall is good, right?  Hey, come on, you’ll remember, and we’ll get through this.”  
  
Mike’s fingers curled slightly around his for a brief moment before Mike tugged them away.  “Could you…could you please go?  I think I….I’m tired, I want to sleep.”  
  
Kevin nodded, not trusting his voice.  He rose and walked to the door.  When he glanced back, Mike was staring at where his hands rested limply in his lap.  Kevin silently slipped out and closed the door behind him.  
  
He leaned against the closed door, ignoring the people passing by in the busy corridor, other visitors, nurses and doctors.  “Kevin, sweetie?”  
  
Kevin looked up as Mike’s mother came over.  “Hi,” he said, making an effort to stand up properly.  
  
She looked at him with sympathetic eyes.  “How is he?”  
  
Kevin made a face.  “I wish I could visit more often, spend longer together.  I think he might be remembering, but…”  
  
“He’s being stubborn?” she asked, nodding at Kevin’s little laugh.  “Some things need more than a bump on the head to change.  I’ll talk to the doctors, surely they’ll allow it.”  
  
“Thanks,” Kevin said with a smile, meaning it.  “For everything.”  
  
She nodded, and slipped past him into Mike’s room, closing the door behind her.  
  
Kevin drifted down the corridor and slumped into one of the hard, plastic chairs pressed against a blank white wall.  He flicked his hood up and burrowed into the sweatshirt, huddling his arms around him and wishing it was Mike wrapped around him instead.  
  
He closed his eyes, tuning out the busyness of the hospital.  He turned inwards, trying to find that place that seemed further and further away the older he had gotten.  He forced his breathing to slow as he tried to compose a prayer, for Mike, for them, for everything that hurt.  ‘Please,’ he begged silently.  ‘Help us.  Tell me what to do, because I don’t know if I can do this alone.’  
  
He mouthed  _amen_  quietly, barely audible above the background noise.  He sniffed, rubbing his cheek with the cuff of Mike’s sweatshirt, and tried to get his bearings.  “Kevin?”  He looked up to see William cautiously approaching.  “You looked like you needed a minute.”  
  
Kevin nodded, rubbing his eyes again.  He felt so tired, and wrung out.  “Yeah, thanks.” He sat back slowly.  “He still doesn’t remember me.  His mom’s in there now.”  William nodded, looking stern and uncomfortable.  “What?”  
  
William licked his lips nervously.  “We think…uh, that is to say.  We think your family is downstairs.”  Kevin stared in blank horror.  “I mean, we’ve never met them, only seen them on those things you do that Mike makes us watch, but Sisky was pretty sure, and there’s a big car with blacked out windows parked right outside too, and he’s keeping an eye on them, but I thought…”  
  
Kevin was already on his feet, heading for the elevators.  
  
 * * *  
  
He saw his parents before they saw him.  He froze, and it was only William’s steady presence at his back that stopped him from acting on the instinct to turn and run.  
  
Then his father turned and spotted him.  Kevin nodded, and deliberately walked down a side passage, away from the busiest areas.  They didn't need an audience for this. He saw a sign for the chapel and let his stride widen, climbing the stairs and slipping inside.  
  
The space was empty, those usually coming here to pray now all upstairs visiting their loved ones.  Kevin swallowed around the lump in his throat as he slid into a pew in the far corner.  He had just a few seconds to compose himself before his father appeared in the doorway, his mother close behind him.  As they came up the aisle, the door opened again, and Kevin caught a glimpse of Big Rob before his three brothers were hustled inside, the door closing firmly behind them.  
  
They approached cautiously, and Kevin let them come, until they were all arranged around him, Joe leaned over the back of the pews as his parents sat down beside him.  “Kevin?” his mother asked gently.  
  
Kevin looked at her, and broke.  
  
She held him as he sobbed, his whole body shaking as it released the stress and fear and exhaustion and worry he’d been carrying since this whole mess started.  His brothers crowded in, and for a brief moment, Kevin felt safe.  Slowly, the tears subsided, leaving only the vague premonition of a headache in their wake.  He leaned into her touch as she petted the back of his head, making soft soothing noises.  “I’m sorry,” he muttered, pulling back.  
  
“Kevin?” she said gently, sounding close to tears herself.  “For what?  What’s going on?”  
  
Kevin sniffed and rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hands.  How could he explain so they would understand and wouldn’t hate him for all the lies and deception.  “How did you find me?” he asked instead.  
  
“Twitter,” Joe said, trying to sound bright and failing miserably.  “There’s been a whole bunch of tweets of ‘did I just see Kevin Jonas in the hospital or, on the El, or whatever.  Lots from here, so that’s where we thought we’d start.”  
  
“Who’s William Beckett,” Nick asked suddenly.  “You’ve been seen with him a lot, whoever he is.  And a guy called Sisky?”  
  
Kevin laughed despite himself; it was so absurd it was either that or start crying again.  “Bill’s a friend, I’m staying with him here.  So’s Sisky – a friend I mean,” he added in a rush.  “Not that I’m staying with him.”  
  
His father leaned forward.  “Which brings us back to, why are you in Chicago, Kevin?”  His face was unreadable.  “You take off in the middle of filming, no word, nothing, you just vanish, and then reappear here?  What’s going on?”  
  
Kevin winced slightly, flinching away from the quiet anger threaded through those last three words.  “I, umm….it’s a…”  
  
“Personal emergency?” Nick asked, sounding more frustrated than angry.  “That’s what you said, but what does that mean?”  
  
Kevin twisted his hands together, thinking of all the lies and the sneaking around that he justified to himself by being for the greater good.  He thought of the man upstairs, lying in bed, who didn’t know how much Kevin loved him and seemed almost scared to find out.  He thought about going on like this, alone in it all, and the mere idea made his stomach turn more than the thought of what they might say if they knew the truth.  He closed his eyes.  “I’m gay, I’m involved with a guy named Mike, he had an accident, I came to be with him, he was in a coma, woke up and now can’t remember anything about our time together.”  He opened his eyes and mentally reran the sentence.  “Yeah, that pretty much covers it.”  
  
For a long, terrifying moment, there was silence.  His mother’s face was drawn, pinched, her eyes closed.  “Kevin,” his father said slowly.   His voice was shaky, and his fists were clenched like he was fighting for control.  “What do you mean you’re….you’re…”  
  
Kevin let out a breath.  “I’m gay.”  Saying the words out loud was simultaneously the most terrifying and liberating thing he had ever done.  This wasn’t something he could take back now; the truth was out there.  The next step was up to them.  
  
 * * *  
  
William found him alone in the chapel.  “Kevin?” he asked softly.  
  
Kevin coughed and sniffed and carefully didn’t look up as William came to sit next to him.  “So,” he said, faux-bright.  “That was probably a textbook example of how not to come out to your parents.”  
  
“Shit,” William breathed.  Kevin tsked under his breath and pointedly looked towards the altar.  “Sorry,” William muttered.  “Seriously, they took it badly?”  
  
Kevin nodded, lacing and unlacing his fingers in a nervous pattern.  “Being gay is a choice,” he quoted archly.  “And by choosing to give into temptation, I am falling away from God and may even end up in hell.”  Kevin bit his lip and made a face.  “Frankie started crying at that, and they left.”  
  
William slung an arm over Kevin’s shoulder and pulled him close.  Kevin closed his eyes, too cried out and too exhausted for any more tears.  “They’re wrong,” William whispered in his ear.  
  
“I know,” Kevin said.  “Doesn’t mean it hurt any less.”  
  
They sat in silence for a long time.  The sound of the door opening made them both turn, and Kevin nodded respectfully at the little old lady as she inched up the aisle, leaning heavily on her cane, to bob a stiff curtsey before the altar.  
  
Kevin shifted and moved.  “I’m going to go back up, see how he’s doing.”  
  
“Visiting hours are over,” William pointed out gently.  
  
Kevin rose to his feet.  “I don’t care,” he said simply and walked out.


	3. Chapter 3

Kevin didn’t pull his hood back up as he strode down the corridor, ignoring the curious glances, sidestepping the glare of the orderly who pointedly looked at his watch.  He walked straight to Mike’s room, let himself in, and closed the door behind him.

Mike looked surprised to see him.  “I wasn’t expecting to see you again today,” he said bluntly.

Kevin dragged the visitors chair over to the bedside and straddled it backwards.  “So,” he said.  “I just came out to my parents, and I think they might either disown me or maybe just send me to homosexuals anonymous, so I really need you to start remembering things again so I don’t have to do this alone.”

A look of shock passed over Mike’s face.  “Wait, you came out?”   Kevin nodded, not trusting himself to speak, and Mike reached for him, seemingly on instinct.  Kevin took his hand, and Mike blinked in surprise, as if he hadn’t even realized he was moving.  “You okay?”

Kevin tried to smile, but couldn’t.  He shook his head side to side.  Mike tugged on his hand, and Kevin rose willingly, letting Mike reel him into a bone-crushingly tight hug.  Kevin closed his eyes and let himself believe, just for a moment, that the last few days were just a bad dream and this was real.

Then Mike’s hands starting brushing a pattern up and down Kevin’s arms, along his shoulders and down his back.  It was the same pattern Mike always fell into when they cuddled, finally together after too long apart, and the familiarity of it all make Kevin clutch frantically at Mike’s shoulders.

“Kevin,” Mike said softly, sounding…odd.   Kevin reluctantly let go, went to pull away.  Mike’s fingers tightened, stopping him cold.  “That feels…really familiar.”

Kevin dared to look up into Mike’s eyes, his hand drifting up to cradle Mike’s chin.  Mike’s stubble rasped under the pad of his thumb as he gently brushed it up Mike’s cheek.  Mike’s eyes fluttered for a second as he leaned gently into the touch.

They sat together in silence for a long moment, their breathing loud in the quiet room.  “Tell me,” Mike said haltingly, voice barely a whisper.  “Tell me a memory.  I want to remember.”  He bit his bottom lip.  “I feel like it’s right there, and I just can’t quite reach it.”

Kevin nodded, running his fingers through his hair; the curls felt flat and greasy to the touch.  Faced with recalling the entire span of their relationship, it was hard to pick a moment to start with.  “Umm, he said slowly.  “On our first date, we stayed in your apartment and ate pizza and played Guitar Hero deathmatch until 3am, when your neighbours banged on the wall to complain,” he said, smiling despite himself.  “And you cheated horribly, I might add.”

Mike grinned.  “Tickling is not cheating.”  His smile froze.

“You remember?” Kevin asked hopefully, leaning forward.

Mike looked frustrated and pissed off.  “Fuck,” he hissed between clenched teeth.  “Every time I think I’m getting close, it…” he waved his fist in the air.  “It's like trying to catch a fucking cloud.”

Kevin caught his hand and squeezed it.  “Then we’ll just have to keep trying.”

Mike sighed, eyes drifting closed for a second.  “Thanks,” he murmured, squeezing back.

Kevin made himself comfortable.  “Now, let me tell you about the time William smuggled me onto the Warped tour because everyone was sick of you being pissy all the time…”

Kevin told story after story, until his mouth was dry and his voice was hoarse.  Each story he had drifted closer, until, without noticing it, he was tucked in against Mike, lying with him on the bed.  Mike had his arm around him, and Kevin wondered if he was remembering or if it was just muscle memory that had him once again tracing familiar patterns on Kevin’s arms.

Mike sighed, the exhalation of breath tickling the Kevin’s hair.  “We love each other, right?”

Kevin gently pushed his fingers between Mike’s and brought their palms together.  “Yeah,” he admitted softly, heart pounding.

“If…if I don’t remember,” Mike asked quietly.  “Do you think we might fall in love again?”

Kevin closed his eyes, grateful that Mike couldn’t see his face.  “A hundred times over,” he promised.

 * * *

Mike was snuffling softly into Kevin’s shoulders when the young nurse opened the door.  Her scowl froze as she recognized Kevin’s face.  Kevin ignored the looming scandal and began gently untangling himself from Mike, trying not to wake him.

Mike made a disgruntled noise, trying to hold on.  His head dropped forward and kissed an absent kiss on the line of Kevin’s jaw.  “Going?” he whispered sleepily.

Kevin nodded, trying to keep his tone gentle and calm as he smoothly lifted Mike's arm enough to slip away.  “Yeah.”

Mike made another unhappy noise but released him.  “Give ‘em hell, tiger,” he muttered, still mostly asleep.  His breathing smoothed out as he settled again, marked only by a faint, rhythmic snore.

Kevin stilled for a moment, heart breaking, before he smoothed over the blankets.  The nurse was still there, standing wide-eyed in the half-open doorway.  “Visiting hours aren’t until seven, Mister Jo—I mean, sir.”

Kevin winked at her, feeling bolder than he had in years.  “I’m family,” he said flatly, brooking no argument.  “Now if you’ll excuse me.”

He felt her eyes on his back all the way down the corridor.

_‘Give ‘em hell, tiger.’_

Mike used to say that to Kevin before a big show, or something else just as important.  He’d said it the first day of filming, the day the last album dropped, even texted it before every show in the first big world tour.  Kevin had blushed the first time he’d heard it, gotten used to it, at some point stopped really hearing the words themselves.  Then Mike had stopped saying it, and started saying ‘I love you’ instead.

_‘Give ‘em hell, tiger.’_

Maybe it was time he did.

 * * *

Joe rang less than a minute after Kevin sent his text.  “Are you okay?” he said breathlessly without so much as a hello, and Kevin smiled fondly into the receiver.

“Getting there.  Where are you?”

“Back at the hotel.   Mom and dad have locked themselves in the other room to talk about you.”

“I bet,” Kevin said drily.  “How’s everyone holding up?”

Joe took a deep breath, making the line crackle.  “You surprised us,” he said flatly.  “We honestly didn’t see that coming, Kev.”  There was another burst of static.  “How did you hide it?   _Why_ did you hide it?”  His voice slid upwards, and for a moment he sounded young and confused.

Kevin kept the phone to his ear as he pushed off the wall, waving even as he moved to intercept William.  “I’ll explain everything, I promise.  But not until mom and dad are ready to listen to me.”  He smiled tightly at William.  “When do you think that might be?”

“Hang on,” Joe said.  In the background, Kevin heard a whispered conversation.  “You there?  Nick says they’re getting ready to go back to the hospital and find you.”  He sniffed.  “Mom’s been telling dad off.”

Kevin felt his stomach lurch slightly even as he smiled.  “Keep them there.  And which hotel?”  He repeated it to William, who nodded in recognition.  “I’m on my way.”  He snapped the phone shut.  “Mike’s still out of commission and I need a ….”

William cut him off with a negligent wave of his hand.  “Say no more, sir, just lead the way.”

Kevin smiled at him fondly.  He’d liked William from the moment Mike had introduced them, was glad he could call him a friend now.  “Thanks.  I’ll explain on the way.”

 * * *  
His mother hugged him before he could say a word.  He hugged her back as she whispered in his ear.  “You’re my son, and I will always love you.”

He pulled back slowly, and looked her in the eye, biting his lip as he took in her red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks.  “Thanks.  I love you too.”  She nodded mutely and took him by the hand, leading him through the suite.  Kevin was guided up to the little half-circle of sofas in the main room.

His father had risen to his feet when he saw Kevin, and Kevin was acutely aware of his brother’s eyes on him. He ignored them for now, trusting them to understand why he had to focus on his father first. He stopped, just a few paces away. “Did you mean what you said, at the hospital?” he asked in naked challenge.

His father looked miserable. “I...I wasn't prepared,” he stuttered.

Kevin clenched his fists and tried not to flinch. “But were you being honest?” he asked bluntly.

He saw his father's eyes dart to his wife, his younger sons, back to a point about four inches to the left of Kevin's face. “I'm sorry,” he said quietly, but honestly. “I said things without thinking, and,” again, his eyes did a circuit of the room. “They don't apply to you.”

It was more than Kevin had hoped for, but less than he wanted. “Or anyone,” he said, digging his nails into his palms as he kept his voice level, reasonable, calm. “The people who think that, they're wrong, and stupid, and cruel.” His father gasped, blinking as he opened his mouth to retort. Kevin kept going, steamrolling through what he had to say. “God made me, you taught me that. God made me, just the way I am, and He made Mike, and He made everyone I love. And I still pray, every day, especially today.” He blinked back tears for a moment. “And He knows who I am, _what_ I am, and He hasn't turned me away.” He took a step forward, forcing himself into his father's sights. “He know what I am and how I feel, and who I have fallen in love with.” That got his attention. He finally stared right at Kevin. Kevin smiled. “And even if you turn me away from this family, I will know in my heart that I've done nothing wrong.”

“You haven't,” his mother started angrily. His father held up his hand for silence. She subsided, but Kevin felt her move to come to stand with him, her hands on his arms in silent support.

“You're right,” he said softly. Kevin nodded shakily, waiting for the other shoe to drop. “I...I spoke without thinking, repeated things I've never properly thought about.” He frowned. “But Kevin, I....you never even...we didn't suspect it was something we _would_ have to think about.” He looked so lost, Kevin felt his resolve waver. “Why didn't you...” he looked away, cheeks colouring. “Well, I guess after this afternoon we know why you kept quiet about it. For that more than anything, I am sorry.”

Kevin snorted mirthlessly. “I didn't say anything, because I just didn't want to ruin things for everyone,” he replied. Saying the words out loud made it seem like a hollow excuse. He winced and tried to find a better way to describe it. “I mean, everybody's worked so hard, and...” he looked away. “A lot of people really believe...” he choked on the words. “What you said. It doesn't just affect me.” He dared to glance back at his brothers.

“Screw them,” said Joe, already on his feet.

Nick was nodding vehemently, coming around to flank Kevin's other side as they closed in on him. “It's not worth lying for.” He squeezed Kevin's wrist. “Especially to us,” he added in quiet rebuke.

Kevin leaned into him. “I'm sorry,” he muttered, feeling hot and embarrassed. “I just...and then, well,” he grimaced as he stuttered trying to explain. “It became habit,” he finished with a little shrug.

Joe poked him, hard. “That stops now, okay? You don't lie to us.”

Kevin nodded and leaned into them. “Okay.”

* * *

William unfolded himself from the sofa in the lobby as Kevin stumbled out of the elevator car. “Are you alright?” he asked, catching Kevin by the chin and tilting his head up.

Kevin nodded, not even trying to pull out of William's touch. “Yeah,” he said softly, well aware of the sideways glances they were attracting. “It went better this time.”

William chucked him gently on the chin before spinning him around, his arm sliding over Kevin's shoulders to guide him out. “Forewarned, forearmed, grasshopper.”

Kevin rolled his eyes and groaned, playing along. “I know that _now_.”

William laughed but didn't ask any more questions until they were both back in the relative privacy of his car, accelerating out of the parking lot. “So, what's 'better'?” he asked gently.

Kevin stared out of the window, at the buildings flashing by. “I think everyone told dad off before I got there. Joe and Nick were more angry that I'd hidden it then anything.”

The car slowed as they changed lanes and eased around a corner. “You don't sound overjoyed at your reception, though,” Bill noted calmly.

In his reflection in the glass, Kevin saw the bitterness in the set of his mouth. “I've had longer to think about this than they have,” he said with a little sigh. “They think it won't matter, but I know that it will. Word will get out, if it hasn't already, and there's going to be a backlash, not just against me, but against the three of us, and against our whole family. It's not going to be pleasant.”

He heard William make a little noise. “That's one way to put it.” The car rattled as William turned them into drive into the hospital lot. “But times are changing. Maybe you'll help them change faster.”

At this, Kevin turned in his seat. “I don't want to be some...” he spluttered, looking for the right word. “Some gay figurehead,” he wailed. “I just want to be with Mike and make music. That's all I've ever wanted.”

William pulled the handbrake and turned to face Kevin. “Like you said, it's not just about you,” he said. “And you know it.” He nodded at the building. “Come on, Sisky called me while you were with your family. Mike's been asking for you.”

Kevin nodded, composing himself as best he could on the short walk into the hospital.

* * *

There was a small crowd of familiar faces waiting for them by the time they sneaked through the crowds and back into Mike's room. Kevin pushed through them with only a cursory nod of greeting, forcing his way to Mike's bedside. Mike reached for him, and Kevin met him halfway, twining their hands together as Mike pulled him up against the edge of the bed. “They said you'd gone to your parents?” he said, sounding upset.

Kevin nodded and tried to keep his concerns off his face. “Cleared the air. Things are better now,” he said brightly.

Mike scowled at him. “Bullshit,” he said. Kevin bit his lip and stopped trying to hide it. Mike squeezed Kevin's hands, and Kevin squeezed back, trying to say without words that he really was okay.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, changing the subject.

Mike grinned at him. “Do you remember,” he said slowly. “When our tour came to LA, and you invited me over, and we ended up doing my laundry?” Kevin's hand drifted to his mouth to cover his smile as Mike watched him, eyes dancing. “And we kept getting in each others way, and ended up spilling soap powder all across the floor? And you couldn't stop laughing, and your entire place smelled like a laundromat?”

Kevin wasn't sure if he was laughing or crying. “You remember?” he asked desperately, not caring about their audience.

Mike fisted the sheet draped across his waist with his free hand. “They came to change the bedding, and...I don't know, something, the smell maybe, it just....” he shrugged. “I remembered that.” He looked Kevin in the eye and smile. “And then I remembered more.”

Kevin gave up holding back and leaned in to hug Mike fiercely. “You remember us?” he whispered?

Mike kissed the side of his face. “I can't believe I ever forgot.”

**EPILOGUE**

Mike was installed on his sofa amid much groaning and bitching. “Shut up and enjoy the attention,” Kevin told him fondly. “I'd have thought you'd be glad to be out of hospital.”

Mike made a face at him. “The way you guys are hovering, it's like I never left. Guys, I'm fine,” he pleaded. “I don't need to be fucking coddled.”

Kevin just tucked the blanket around him with exaggerated care. “Indulge me, okay?” Mike grumbled but flopped backwards with bad grace onto the cushions. “Good boy,” Kevin said, leaping back, laughing, as Mike flipped him off and lunged for him. “Rest,” he scolded playfully, going to help Bill as they brought in popcorn and icecream and DVDs to tide them over until the doctor's gave Mike a final clean bill of health.

They settled in, Sisky and Butcher arguing over which film to watch first. “Memento,” Sisky said, waving the case.

“You're a fucking bastard,” Butcher told him, plucking the case out of his hands.

Kevin watched them from where he had settled on the floor, resting against the sofa. He leaned back into the touch as Mike began to gently card his fingers through Kevin's hair. “Hey,” Mike said softly. “Not that I don't like having you around, but don't you have to be at work right now?”

“Taking the whole week off,” Kevin replied just as quietly. “So you have to hurry up and get better, okay?” He twisted his arm up and around to gently poke Mike through the blanket.

Ignoring the growing argument between Adam and Butcher, William leaned over. “He's the scandal of the gossip blogs right now,” he said with a grin. “Current bets are torn between drug rehab, exhaustion, and a shotgun wedding.”

Kevin groaned, laughing a little despite himself even as he buried his face in his hands. “I didn't need to know that Bill,” he moaned.

“You didn't know? Here,” William said, whipping out his phone. “Let me show you.” Kevin heard the click of keys, and looked up to see William peering at the screen of his phone. “Wow,” he said, looking over at them, eyes wide.

“What?” Kevin asked nervously.

Mike poked him in the shoulder. “Don't encourage him,” he grumped, but Kevin could tell his curiousity was piqued too.

Bill handed over his phone with a grin.  "What is it?" Mike asked as Kevin sucked in a mouthful of air. The rest of the room fell silent, watching him.

Realizing he had the floor, William grinned. “The official Jonas Brothers twitter has finally responded to all those questions of 'where's Kevin?'”

Kevin cleared his throat.  "It says 'Kevin is dealing with a family emergency, will be back soon.'"

Mike blinked.  "Family...does that mean they're okay about us?" he asked, waving between them.

Kevin tossed Bill his phone, and climbed up to straddle Mike's lap.  "It means they're coming round," he said and kissed Mike like a promise of forever.


End file.
